The Residents have existed since time immemorial and across all dimensions. They are a band of inter-dimensional musical Time-Wizards who have discovered the brutal and chaotic rhythms of Blood Bowl. They seek source material for a piece about a time warrior gone mad. In hot pursuit are Those Annoying Post Bros., en' route from the wrong side of Bugtown. Their toughest bounty yet...
Bulletin board from the coach
Jan. 2nd, 2017 - old news
Art Unappreciated
The Residents have been working very hard in the off season to prepare a "high art" performance in an attempt to balance the Savagery of the hordes of Morgoth for their first match this season.
Ron and Russ Post took a short vacation to clear their heads and focus on what really matters. Contract killing and the Death of their teammates, the residents.
Right in the middle of a particularly inspired dance routine, Ron saw his chancEl to lay out Mr. Blue eye, but just as he brought the knife down into what he thought was His chest, his victim was suddenly and very surprisingly juxtaposed with one of the servants of Morgoth.
"Well, that's the "high art" part of today's performance." Mr. Green Eye was quoted as saying. "We put LSD in the sports drink they provide in the locker rooms. Our friend Henry said it stands for "Love song and Dance" and thats what we wanted everyone to do so..... Ron and Russ said it tasted like art and drank most of it. I guess that's why they spent most of the performance talking to their own shoes..."
- Ler™
Oct. 20th, 2016 - old news
Mr. Brown Eye bought a Block-en-spiel
Inspired by the whimsical dancing of the Tree Ones, Everyone's favorite time wizards took it upon themselves to learn how to perform a dance. In an effort to show off, Ringo, a roadie for the avant-garde ensemble did his dance while holding the brown thing and tripped due to the extra effort. He did trip over the line near the end of the field and that made a bunch of people happy. He will likely try to do that again soon.
We did notice though, that the tall leafy fellow playing with the tree ones wasn't dancing very much, so Buster decided to help him learn. The tall leafy one fell down and when Buster tried to help him up, we heard a loud snap. (Which we recorded and will sample on our next album) what Buster thought was his hand was actually um... a very different appendage. After a short resting period, the tall leafy one will be back, but no doubt bashful when in close quarters. He seems more likely to run off for a rest after the emotional scarring we may have been responsible for...
- Ler™
Oct. 11th, 2016 - old news
Codpiece Armor for The Loaf
The Residents have just finished playing against some whores. The whores wore very little, but the industrious team captain The Loaf was able to cobble together a new pocket square for his uniform from the entire teams protective gear.
"The whores were all sleeping in what someone called 'the Kay-ohh box'? They were just lying there, some of them complaining about headaches or something, so I just grabbed up as many of the little armors as I could and got to work."
When asked if the team found the appearance of the whores distracting, Mr. Green Eye was quoted as saying " They cheapen our performance by being here. We had to remove as many of them from the stage as we could so we could properly enlighten our fans."
- Ler™
Oct. 5th, 2016 - old news
Ron Post Missed his Target
Tonight, the crowd was witness to an unusual display in that Ron Post took out a handgun on the pitch and opened fire! Cheating with weapons is not new to fans of Bloodbowl, but what was new was that he appeared to be aiming at his teammates!
The bullet narrowly missed Mr. Green Eye, grazing his shoulder and embedding itself in the forehead of Got Wood's premiere Wardancer. The Wood Elf Surgeon was occupied tending a bad case of tennis elbow at the time, or there might have been hope for poor Gump.
In the post-match interview, Renaldo had this to say, as the teams official spokesperson. "The tree ones LOVE the brown thing. They make the short ones look like they are asleep. It was confusing for us because the man in the striped shirt would keep interrupting our performance to make us stand in some new places. I do really like how they dance though. We want them to come perform with us once we have the makings of our opera. They dance so well, I was starting to feel like the people weren't there to see us perform but instead were watching the tree ones. But then I realized that that would be ridiculous. Our enchanting rhythms defy genre while simultaneously re-inventing them."
